What Made Me Ugly Cry When Mark Proposed?
What made me ugly cry when Mark proposed?
That’s a good story.
Let me tell it to you…
I had been suspecting a proposal was near in our future but I was not expecting it to happen when it did. Mark had convinced me that on the night of September 10, 2017, we would be attending a concert. This concert did not exist. But he went out of his way to get me to believe it was a real thing by having a friend create a fake band poster for the concert.
I arrived at Mark's house about 30 minutes before we needed to leave for “the concert”. Mark ran upstairs to freshen up and I decided to sit outside while the sun was setting. I was watching the deer cross through the open 20 acre field when all of the sudden...
“Who is that?” I thought to myself as I was struck with fear.
I froze.
A dark figure ran along the line of trees and then disappeared into the woods.
Some stranger is in their woods.
I couldn’t make out the figure but from what I gathered, they were wearing dark clothing, a weird long coat and some kind of weapon slung around their shoulders.
I ran back inside to wait for Mark on the couch.
When he came downstairs, he said, “Since we have a few minutes before we need to leave for the concert (lies!), do you want to go watch the sunset and do night prayer from the back of the woods?”
Ordinarily, I would have loved to. I had been waiting for Mark to take me to that special spot behind the woods where you can see the sunset. But, not today, not with a strange man in the woods.
“Hmm, not really. I was just outside and um...Mark...there is a person in the woods.” I said.
“A person? Could you describe them?” Mark replied fearing all was ruined at this point.
“Yes, it was a man with a strange long coat, carrying something around his shoulders.”
“Was it a gun?”
“A gun?!” I exclaimed, now officially spooked.
“Yeah, it was probably a hunter. People hunt on our property all the time (lie again, but great recovery).”
Not feeling any better about going into the woods...I give him a look so as to say, “No, thank you.”
However, my description of the “strange man” brought Mark comfort as he realized I did not in fact see our engagement photographer who happened to be a close friend of mine. And with that, he insisted we go into the woods.
“Come on, it will be fine, I’ll bring a crowbar for protection.” Mark reassured me.
So into the woods we went with a crowbar, a prayer book, and my reticent self!
As we got closer to “the special spot” I began to hear music…was this when I realized what was about to happen? Ha, no.
My first thought was “the creepy man is playing music in the woods” and I was every bit ready to turn around until I caught the glimmer of twinkly lights.
We approached the clearing and I saw it.
Stopping in my tracks, the most beautiful scene was set up before me.
Twinkly lights were scattered about the trees and hanging in lanterns. Flowers and photos of us were everywhere. Cards I had made for Mark along with other gifts I had given him while we were dating were scattered about. Sleeping at Last’s Instrumental Album (a favorite of mine) was playing, setting the perfect ambiance.
In the center of all, there was a blanket next to a campfire with a view of the sun currently setting.
“What?!?” I look over at Mark.
“Come on.” he says.
I take another step and stop. Trying my best to take it all in while knowing what was about to happen. He sits me down.
This was the moment. The one I doubted would happen for me. The one I had never let myself imagine as a sort of protective measure. And this moment was already far better than I could have dreamt.
Mark began telling me a lot of beautiful things about beholding me for all his life and seeing me, knowing me, loving me as God does…and…
Before I share what happened next, I need to tell a story of something that happened 8 years prior…
I was in college…
I was 19 years old. It was 3 am, I couldn’t sleep. So, I went to my favorite place; the small chapel attached to my dorm hall. I would go there throughout college to be in the quiet with the Lord. I remember feeling a strong desire to grow closer to Him. I wanted to have a deeper relationship with Jesus but was afraid that meant leaving behind my romantic relationship at the time. I felt stuck between a desire to run unbounded to Him and a desire to hold on tightly to something I was too afraid to lose. I cried out to God.
“Lord, I want to run to you but every time I try I feel like I am pulled the other direction. I take a few steps forward and then a few steps back. All I want is to run unbound, as fast and hard as I can to you. Please Lord, lead me to a man who is running to you too so I can look to my side and see him running alongside me and we can run fast to heaven together.”
To be honest, over the years, I completely forgot this prayer had happened and would not be able to recount it to you had this next moment not brought it all back…
Mark was down on one knee and before he proposed, he says,
“Let’s run to heaven together.”
Those were his exact words and I was shocked.
He never knew about that prayer that night in college. I never told anyone about it.
As the words were leaving his mouth, “Will you marry me?” I experience what felt like a fast forwarded movie reel of my life. In a split second, I realized every prayer I had prayed about my vocation, down to the very detail of the words, were being answered and answered abundantly. I felt in the depths of my heart God say, “I heard you, here he is.”
Overcome, I began balling and dropped to my knees.
A. Total. Ugly. Cry.
It is hard to describe what I was feeling but it was everything from the broken parts of my past, to the loss of hope, to a total unequivocal joy of the future, and a firm and deep love for God's faithfulness.
“YES” I said as I took a moment to adore the beautiful ring.
He picked me up, we kiss and promptly begin doing some weird kind of dance out of the purest joy.
At this point, by the way, the photographer is in view and I realized it was a dear friend of mine.
We had a little photoshoot that perfectly captured our weirdness and excitement and then we were off onto the next part of the adventure…
Mark had planned a surprise engagement party at a nearby winery. After celebrating with friends and family, Mark and I went back to the place behind the woods for a fire and night prayer. We opened up the Breviary (a special prayer book Catholics use), the verse we read for that day was…
Revelations 22:1-5, part of it reads,
“They will look upon His face, and His name will be on their foreheads. Night will be no more, nor will they need light from lamp or sun, for the Lord God shall give them light, and they shall reign forever and ever.”
Tears filled my eyes as I thought of how the Lord had given me the man I am called to run to heaven with. This reading was so fitting and perfect that we chose it for the first reading at our wedding. Yet another day where God was answering our prayers in abundance...but that is another post.
To my friends who are still awaiting their vocation please know,
God hears your prayers.
God will answer them in very detailed ways.
Do not compromise your faith, do not slow down, run to Him and he will surprise you in the best way.