How My Homemaking Journey Began
The Making of a Livable Space
My homemaking journey began with the physical and literal making of my house. When my husband and I were newly engaged, we bought a fixer upper that was not livable. It had been uninhabited for 4 years except for the bat living in the attic, it smelled terribly of dog pee, and was deteriorating from the inside out. Thus, the first step of learning homemaking for me, was learning how to make my house a livable space.
Fixing up a house while planning a wedding and then getting married before the home was move-in ready was an adventure, to say the least. We moved in as soon as we could but it looked a lot like camping...the dog pee/must smell was still potent throughout, made worse in the heat of summer without air conditioning. The kitchen was still an empty room, the floors were covered in dust and dirt from the continual renovations and we were sleeping on an air mattress. All the while living out of suitcases and our belongings still in boxes. It really brings the right mood into newlywed life, doesn’t it?
We took the house through the last of the major renovations those first 6 months of marriage and then began living in it. The whirlwind of that year really brought us to our limits. It took many more months to settle into the house and get out of survival mode, and even more to begin figuring out the normal newlywed experiences of communication and learning to live together.
The Next Discovery
After finishing the renovations on our house, we discovered there was still one major problem...our house, beautifully renovated and completely updated, was inhabited...by...us. Two imperfect human beings, who were sometimes smelly and messy, and in need of “some renovations” themselves.
Making the home into a beautiful place where there is joy and peace requires a transformation of the people that dwell in it. Yes, turning a house into a home is much more about the people that live inside it than the walls themselves. All the time, money, and sweat poured into our house without the work on ourselves would lead to a superficial, empty and still messy life. Don’t get me wrong, renovations and decor are wonderful things which I enjoy but they are not the heart of the home.
You see, all houses (when it comes down to it) are really not that different, they have about 4 walls, and they are boxes we live in that contain our lives, yet each feels tremendously different. Why is that?
Sure, they vary in size and furniture and decor changes the character of the space but the furniture and decor are still a reflection of something (rather someone) else. A person. Every home is primarily made by the way a person chooses to live in their space. Their likes and dislikes, their priorities, daily routines and habits, and most importantly, their interior dispositions make up the overall environment of the home.
Whether there is clutter or order,
whether there is stress or peace,
whether it is a place of angst or comfort.
These conditions all come down to the people in the home.
The Second Step in My Homemaking Journey
Hence, I came to realize the next (and I should say lifelong) step in my homemaking journey...fixing up myself.
Not trying to be dramatic, rather, trying to be honest, when I looked inside myself, specifically my daily routines and motivations, I realized, I am about as imperfect as my home was when we bought it. Pair that with the way marriage (and motherhood) magnifies those hidden areas of weakness and it’s a major renovation project!
As with a fixer upper, a person may look at a wall and say “it looks pretty good”, but if they discover mold, the whole wall needs to be taken down, gutted and rebuilt. Yes, they can live with it the way it is but it will start impacting their health (and the health of others) to ignore the internal decay which is calling for their attention.
And just like a fixer upper, being authentically beautiful requires doing hard internal work. Authentically is the keyword here, I can make my home and life look beautiful while still having a hidden room of junk which no one goes into or sees on Instagram. No one may know that room exists, but I do and it impacts the way I live.
Herein lies a choice: Do I continue to blame my living space for the ways it is lacking, do I continue to cover up the issues and say the walls “look pretty good” or do I rebuild and renovate myself in ways that change me and the environment I call home?
Scope of Renovations.
In 2020, I chose the latter. I decided I wanted to learn better habits, to reorder my priorities, and ultimately to discover more fully what it means to be a beautiful homemaker. Homemaker is a word our modern world teaches us to be scared of but we need not be. In reality, all people are homemakers of some kind. We all make our homes into some kind of place and I knew exactly the kind of place I wanted my home to be.
I wanted to make my home a place where God was invited to dwell daily, where people felt loved and experienced peace and joy, where virtues were nurtured and grown, a place of comfort and warmth, and of order and simplicity. I desired to do the daily tasks in my home well. I desired to do all things with an attentive mind and heart to those that I serve. I wanted all the motions of my life to be a song of worship to God. Unlike the process of a fixer upper, this truly is a lifelong transformation but one I knew I was called to spend my days living to my best ability.
And so I committed to the journey in 2020 and have been learning and growing ever since!
Maybe you are wondering how creating a home like this is done practically?
Practically, this plays itself out in daily habits. Daily habits in the home are integral to the overall environment of the home and the well being of those who live in it. I am not talking solely about exterior chores like washing the dishes, making dinner, or scrubbing the toilet, but the interior disposition of the heart while accomplishing said homemaking tasks.
The intentions behind our habits are like the room no one goes into or the mold behind the walls. Others don’t see them and so we can think they don't matter, but in fact they matter greatly. No one will fully know the thoughts in my mind or the feelings in my heart when I do my chores, but I believe my home will be transformed by the state of my heart in the midst of these tasks.
There is one final thing, and it is the most important of all. I believe that as hard as I work on myself and my home, it will never be completely perfect. There will always be a to-do list and I will always bear the weight of my own human weaknesses. The point of living my vocation as a homemaker is not to reach perfection in this life but to realize my daily need to surrender to Jesus Christ and allow HIM to be the ultimate renovator. Because of Him, there is no need to be discouraged.
Each day, I start by offering Him all my works of the day ahead and each night, I thank Him for what the day became and resolve to begin again tomorrow. Doing this has made the biggest impact in my home and in my life.
He gives me grace in moments I have nothing left.
He takes the mess in my heart and turns it into something beautiful.
He provides joy and peace amidst chaos and disarray of the day.
He teaches everything I need to know about how to make acts of sacrificial love.
He is the source from which all good things flow and it is in Him that I am being transformed into the homemaker He has called me to be.